That’s how it feels to me – and that’s why I am in such huge debt.  I’m an adult and yet I cannot manage my money as well as my daughter who is half my age. No one ever taught me about money management when I was younger, but that’s not so uncommon.  I’ve had a bit of a panic today and yesterday over money problems catching up with me. I feel guilt as poverty and debt have overshadowed my children’s youth. Even without these debts, we would still have been poor, but all the same …

If you have an Aspie, teach them about money. Teach them that it’s real. Ram it into their brains and don’t assume that they’ll work it out on their own because they’re clever – they’re not clever in all areas. Even if they’re good at Maths, they might still be useless with their money! Maths is abstract and on paper and definitely not tangible – money is still numbers but is concrete and life-affecting.

It still doesn’t seem real to me until I get into real trouble. Now interest is a millstone around my neck: it never sleeps. It never leaves me alone. It prevents me moving forward financially and emotionally. I am trying to be better about it – I have taken advice and have a new plan in place from financial advisors to try and sort things out, but if only I hadn’t got into this trouble in the first place.

I am notoriously impatient – doesn’t help when it comes to finances.  Sometimes I’ve bought things without thinking ahead – and thence come the finance charges. I love to put my head in the sand (or did), and spend without paying attention to amounts – and thence come more finance charges from going overdrawn/missing payments etc. I feel down about having no money so buy myself a treat – but it’s not a treat, really, is it? Because it’ll have a knock on effect … finance charges. It goes on and on.

But it’s going to stop: I am a highly intelligent Aspie. I’m not an idiot, despite my social issues, and I can and will sort this out. Belt tightening time. Self-control time. I downloaded a budget planner to my phone and will check my bank account every day.

All the finance charges I am currently liable for amount to a full week’s work, and considering I work full time, this means that I’m working a week to pay the bank off this month – and it renders the time I’ve sacrificed away from my kids worthless. I’d rather be with them than anything and I’ve messed it up.

My financial situation: a pile of poo